Argh ...

Played in the MCOBA Masters last saturday. Playing with 18 handicap which I think is a bit hard for me to carry knowing my performance lately is not that consistent. Well better than Maybank tournament where I'm registered at 16. It was hot and tough. Manage to get most of the shots correctly but I still need to work on the chipping. Posted 97 at the end of the tournament, which is way better than my last game. Have another tournament next week. Hopefully I will be playing better. Came back at about 5pm. Was so tired.

Sunday was rather mundane. Did the laundry, grocery shopping and cleaned the house, a bit. Other than that, nuthing happened.

Least you can do

I was lying awake last night, waiting for your call
But if the rumours are true, that won't bother you at all
I'm trying hard to understand
What it takes to be your man
Now I don't have to wonder anymore

Least you can do is say you're sorry
Least you can do is give me back my heart
Just give me back my heart

Seems living in hope was wrong those years I was away
Thinking your letters, I never received, had gone astray
You said you'd always be there for me
Like a fool I thought you'd be
Now I don't know what I was thinking at all

But the least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Least you can do is give me back my heart
I won't come around no more
You won't find me standing outside your door
Least you can do is tell me why, tell me why

The least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Least you can do is give me back my heart
I won't come around no more
You won't find me standing outside your door
But the least you can do is tell me why

I won't be your fool anymore
There's no need to be cruel anymore, no, no no no no no
Least you can do is say you're sorry girl
The least you can do is give me back my heart
Just give me back my heart
Least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Say you're sorry, it's all you need to do
The least you can do is give me back my heart
So I can move on with my life
Least you can do is say you're sorry girl
Is that so much to ask
The least you can do is give me back my heart
Give me back my heart
Give me back my heart

Tiredness

Its been a while. It really has and rite now my body is aching, my head is aching and my heart is broken. Never felt this tired. Never tot one can feel this tired. I wish i can put an end to all these.

The pieces dont fit here anymore

I've been twisting and turning,
In a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.

Well I can't explain why it's not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
Its the better thing to do,
Its time to surrender,
Its been too long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore, Pieces don't fit here anymore.

You pulled me under,
I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
Thats breaking my skin.
Well I'll hide all the bruises,
I'll hide all the damage thats done.
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.

Ooh don't misunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried.
But still I don't know why, no I don't know why.
I don't know why...... whyyyyyyyy!

Thinking

I think I've reached a point where I need to decide on the current situation. I have been patience enough for the last few years, especially the last few months. I've lost faith. The feelings are no longer the same. Now it has become a burden to me, not pleasure anymore. I do wonder how such a strong feeling can become like that but I guess no point to ponder upon it anymore. The cold hard fact is that things had changed. You started it. I tried to be patience for the past 8 months but guess I cant take it anymore.

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a **** about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you
Anymore, Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

Yeap, as for now I dont have the reason and you just dont have the time. And yes I'm losing faith in you. Whether it will make any difference if I do try to save this relationship or not, I guess only you can tell.

32 Months after ..

Well it has been 32 months since the day. Ive gone tru a lot, happy times, trying times and also times when I feel like giving up but somehow I persevere. Lately it has been very trying for me. Up to a point where I wonder should I? Why must I? Its hard, really hard and really tough.

Things started to change after the appointment. Things changed drastically. Appearance, conducts, behaviors, you name it, everything changed. I tried to talk about it but somehow the message didnt get tru. I always got blamed in the end. Not being understanding, pushy and so on. But I was always there when Im needed. You are not tho. You never were.

At times

I think my blood preassure went up this morning and it is still affecting me till now. I need to go away and recover myself.

I need to think more about myself, less about other people. So said some of my friends. Is that true? I have no idea.

Sebekas Cinta Yang Sirna

Masih sanggup untuk ku tahan kan
Meski telah kau lumatkan hati ini
Kau sayat luka baru diatas luka lama
Cuba bayangkan betapa sakitnya

Hanya tuhanlah yang tahu pasti
Apa gerangan yang bakal terjadi lagi
Begitu buruk telah kau perlakukan aku
Ibu menangislah demi anakmu

Sementara aku tengah bangganya
Mampu tetap setia meski banyak cubaan
Begitu tulusnya kubuka tanganku
Langit mendung gelap malam untukku

Ternyata mengagungkan cinta
Harus ditebus dengan duka lara
Tetapi akan tetap ku hayati hikmah sakit hati ini
Telah sempurnakah kekejamanmu

Petir menyambar hujan pun turun
Di tengah jalan sempat ku merenung
Masih adakah cinta yang disebutkan cinta
Bila kasih sayang kehilangan makna

A Modern Fairy Tale

Like all fairy tales, this one is about a princess and a prince.

And like all fairy tales, this one starts with Once upon a time.

Once upon a time there lived a very cute, pretty and adorable princess called You who lived in a great big palace called The World. You are a very cute, pretty and adorable princess indeed. You could make people laugh when they are sad. You could make people sing when they are blue.

And best of all, You are not like any other princess, which is actually a very difficult thing to see for a lot of people. Except for a few minor flaws like sensitive, and always saying things like “ I am right and You are wrong or I can do it but You can’t “ You are perfect. All princess in the Fairy Tale are perfect.

In another part of the great semi big palace called The World, there lived an ordinary and simple young prince named I. I was not such a bad prince himself. I know how to laugh and I know how to sing, although sometimes his voice can go terribly off key. But that was okay because a lot of people sing off key. I had a magnificent toy called Scooter Suzuki VS125 that I like to ride fast like the wind. Except for a few minor flaws like clumsy with his words and with his actions although he has the best of intentions, not knowing how to be nice to himself and always afraid of making the wrong moves or saying the wrong things, I were perfect. This is a fairy tale. In a fairy tale, EVERYONE is perfect!

Anyway, one day I met You. At first, You and I were great together. You and I have so many things in common and can get along very well. It is not easy to find someone that fits like a glove, which it is so unbelievable. You and I both like to talk and can sit for hours arguing about how to cure an incurable disease called Love. Now, Love is a very dangerous disease. Nobody is really cured. People only think they are cured, but the truth is they are not. When this happen they usually get married.

You and I have been in Love before with some other prince and princess. I thought I was cured from Love but it left him heartbroken. You thought You were also cured from Love but it left her heartless and fear. Both You and I had the scars to prove it. Sometimes just for the fun of it they compare scars and sad Love stories.

Sometimes You and I sing together. Sometimes You and I play Tilik Nasib, a very interesting game that You invented. Once, while we’re playing You said that You and I have a same heart and be together. Once, You gave I a blue letter about You called her Past because You said You want him to understand something bout You and once, You was given “ Mike ” of what I claimed to be the best sleeping partner in the World. Once in a while I will laugh at You and once in a while You will make I feel annoyed. But generally it was a very nice system. Well at least they looked happy and laughed a lot.

Like all fairy tales, something bad must happen first before the prince and princess could live happily ever after. So in true fairy tale fashion, one day a disaster called Life happened. Life in itself is not that bad, but Life when coupled with Love scars and past memory can be very dangerous indeed. Among others, Life could turn people into a Workaholic, Cold hearted, Sensitive, Fear, Selfish and can make people Forget, which is something that some people think is good, and some people think is bad.

But generally, whenever Life happened, it is not easy to predict the outcome. Like so many other prince, I became fascinated with Life. And like so many other prince with no magical powers, I began to forget certain things. That is the danger of being too fascinated with Life. Life can make anyone forget. And I forgot. I forgot how to make people smile when they are sad. I forgot how to make people sing when they are blue. I forgot about the scar and bad experience that You had before and worst of all I forgot to say I am Sorry.

Like so many other princess with no magical power, You began to forget also, which is the danger of being too fascinated with Life. You began to forget certain thing, You began to forgot how to make people sing when they are blue. You forgot how to make people smile when they are sad. You forgot about the scar and broken hearted that I had before and worst You forgot to understand.

One day, You got mad at I. When two people got mad at each other, they will either argue or they will stop talking. In this Fairy Tale, You and I stopped talking, fade away and went back to their own parts of the World.

You said, "Hmmmm... maybe Life can be better without You."

And I said, "Hmmm...maybe Life can be better if I am not around."

So You ignored I and pretended that everything was okay even if they would not be friends anymore. But then something strange began to happen to I . I began not to be able to sleep at night.

Now sleep is very important because I work 8 hours every day and I need rest, which was what sleep is all about. But no matter how hard I tried and no matter how tired I was, I could not sleep well.

At first it was not so bad. I could sleep for a few hours and then woke up and thought about You. Sometimes I dreamt about You and whenever this happened, I always woke up feeling sad and blur and sometime I cry because I missed You so much. Then it became less and less sleep and more and more wakefulness until I began to feel very tired and wearisome indeed and not be able to doing anything at all and worse I lost confidence of his self.

Other people in the World also noticed that You and I were not talking anymore.

Some people think, "Hmm ... the answer is so simple. You and I are in love and You and I are in process to understand each other.

They think like that because Love is a terrible disease and Love is generally known to make people forget and do stupid things. And I did some REALLY stupid things.

The angrier, selfish You got, the more silent I became. The more silent You became, the angrier I got. Remember, in this Fairy Tale both You and I were hurt before by Love. You were heartless and I was heartbroken. When someone is heartless and another one is heartbroken, it is so easy to get angry and get silent even if they are so in Love and need each other. Sometimes they could pretend or hiding the true feeling because of to much hurts and angriness.

So You and I continued being angry and being silent at each other and pretended that Time will take care of everything. Now Time is a very interesting concept. Generally it is known that Time can cure a lot of things, including the terrible disease called Love. You believe that Time can cure their anger and silence because Time was able to heal the scars that they got from their Love with some other prince and princess. You thought Time could also cure the anger and the silence.

Unfortunately, anger and silence were the two things that Time could not cure. In fact, Time could only make them get worse. Time can only make people wait with no proper communication, which is what You and I experience.

Many moons passed and You and I were still not cured from their anger and silence. One night, as I lay awake in his bed, I heard a voice talking from his heart.

The voice said, "It doesn't matter. Believed and say I am Sorry".

I thought about this for a while, and I liked the idea a lot. Finally I was able to sleep without having any angry dreams about You.

The next day I called You. I found it was no surprise that You sounded serious and worn-out. Maybe You didn't feel like talking.

But I was a very persistent prince. When I want something, I will do everything I can to get it. And I always get what I want and sometimes I don’t. So, even though You sounded like You didn't want to talk, I managed to convince that You and I should talk anyhow. So later that night, You and I talked.

But fairy tales are not that simple. There is always another twist. This Fairy Tale has a twist too. Although You and I knew what You and I must say, when You and I talk, I started to forget again. I forgot how to create laughter. I forgot how to sing, I forgot that You were hurt by his action although I do have a good intention and worst of all I forgot how to say I am Sorry.

It was a very strange talk because there was very little talk. Both You and I were reluctant to say too much because too much Time had passed since the last time they sit down and talk. This is the fact what Time can do when two people hurt each other.

I tried very hard to remember how to say I am Sorry but all I could remember was the lyrics to a song by Soluna called For All Time, which went something like this,

“You were mine, there is no one other for me keep in mind, You make my life complete and tonight we make love endlessly coz your mine ,You the one that I keep for all time”.

It used to be a very popular song for You and I.

Anyway, the long night ended and feeling very unhappy, I went back to his part of the World. I thought, maybe this time I should completely doing nothing. But as I sat in front of his laptop computer called DELL, I heard a voice talking from his heart again. The voice said only one word.

It said,

"REMEMBER!"

And just like magic, I suddenly remembered what to do. The problem that You and I have cannot be solved using the usual way. It was time to make the Magic Box.

A Magic Box is a simple box made out of paper. Anyone can buy a Magic Box from the Magic Shop. But what makes a Magic Box magical is what people put inside it. A Magic Box can store anything, from letters to cards, to fairy tales and problems. But there is one condition. Whenever a problem is put in a Magic Box, the problem will not disappear. The problem will stay in there forever until someone comes along and try to solve it for good. That's how a Magic Box works. It just stores a problem. Real people will have to open it and deal with it to make it disappear.

I thought long and hard and I think I found the answer. The answer to the problem that I need to solve with You is a magic potion called Laughter. That was the cure.

So I went to the Magic Shop and shopped for the ingredients to put into the Magic Box. I must choose the ingredients carefully because the wrong ones will not result in Laughter and if Laughter doesn't happen, the problem that You and I faced will not be solved.

So what were the ingredients? These were what I put into the Magic Box to make Laughter :-

1. A two pack of Panadol for relief of headaches, fever and aches in case You get any headaches, fever and aches whenever I do or say something stupid.

2. 20 strips of Hansaplast Junior (ready-to-use strips with funny cartoon characters --- painless to remove, skin friendly, water resistant and dirt proof; and hygienically single packed for convenience) in case Your heart is hurt by the things that I say or do.

3. 1 multi purpose Erasers in case You want to erase all the bad memories and pain that I have caused You.

4. One packet of Strepsil Vitamin C-100 in case You get a sore throat when You and I talk, because whenever You and I talk, it could be a REALLY long talk.

5. One packet of New Primier Expression in case I made You cry.

6. 1 packets of MILO because I know You like to drink MILO (Minum MILO Anda Jadi Sihat Dan Kuat!) in case You need to be Sihat dan Kuat when You and I argue.

7. I bar of Cadbury FRUITE & NUT (Only 12.5 gram/957 per energy...very healthy) in case You need the extra energy to keep reading this Fairy Tale

8. 2 pictures of a powerless idiot prince with out any magical power that admire a princess so much and try to rescue her from a bad dragons and past memories.

But those were not all. Right at the bottom of the Magic Box, far beneath The Panadol, The Hansaplast, The Erasers, The Strepsils, The Kleenex, The MILO, The Cadbury bar and a Picture, I put in as many HUGS and KISSES that I could find – because I know sometimes words are not enough to say all that I needed to say. Sometimes, when people hurt each other, saying I am Sorry doesn't help much to ease the pain. Sometimes Hugs and Kisses can do a much better job in saying all the right things. Since I couldn't find the right words to say, I packed her Hugs and Kisses into the Magic Box and hoped they will work.

Last but not least, I opened up his Songbook and copied down a song called "Wish List ". I wrote the song down to remind You that no matter what happens next, or whenever You feel like You don't belong and doubted the Love and Sincerity that I giving to You the song will always be there to remind You that I am here. Originally I wrote the song for You, I thought You deserve the song better than anyone else.

So I print up the song "Wish List " from his songbook, and put the paper inside the Magic Box.

There was one last thing to do. A Magic Box must always come with an instruction manual, because without it You will not know how to use all the things that make the Magic Box magic.

So I sat in front of his DELL and started to write this Fairy Tale. I almost didn't know what to write, but slowly I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote because I knew this is a very important Fairy Tale.

After I finished writing the Fairy Tale that will become the Magic Box' instruction manual, I printed it and sealed the Magic Box. On second thought, I opened the Magic Box again and put in some Prayers. I did this because You were broken-hearted and heartless before, and I did not know whether You were fully cured or not. I sealed the Magic Box with Faith and Hope, tied a piece of white string across it and waited for the right time to come when I will give the Magic Box to You. The time is Now.

Now this is where the Fairy Tale ends. Will You and I be Lover again? Will You and I live happily ever after? Will You and I finally find the cure for Love? and Is the problem solved?

Some people might even ask, "Will You and I be together again?".

And for the first time in a long long time, I really Cry. Why? Because I don't know the answer. This is the kind of Fairy Tale where the ending is up to You to consider.

But the Magic Box is magical indeed. When You opened the Magic Box, You were very confused. You saw The Panadol, The Hansaplast, The Erasers, The Strepsils, The Kleenex, The MILO, The Cadbury Bar, The Picture, The Hugs and Kisses, The prayers and The Song; but You didn't understand what all these things mean. Then You saw the Fairy Tale. You picked up the Fairy Tale that I wrote, and as You read it, slowly You began to understand. And very slowly, You began to smile.

Now, this is not the ending yet. The end would be a long way ahead because this is the kind of Fairy Tale that will have a lot of sequels. This Fairy Tale is just like the Rocky movies. There were Rocky I, II, III, IV, V and if Sylvester Stallone was not so old, there could probably even be a Rocky 2002. Fortunately he was old so the World was saved from another Rocky sequel.

But it didn't really matter because even if this Fairy Tale does not end with the words "..and they live happily ever after...", I am still very happy. Why? because when it came to what mattered and when it came to his responsibility to You - I always been sincere and very honest toward my feelings and everything to You and finally know how to say I am Sorry and the best part was, I really mean it .

Maybe someday You will come again to the part of the World where I and You live. That may happen, on the other hand, that may not happen. Life is not that easy to comprehend. Who knows? I don't know what will happen next. And You also don't know what will happen next.

But I do know this, sometimes we mistake familiarity for love, and time for quality. I know that 10 years from now, when both You and I are old and gray and no longer blessed with the arrogance of Youth, You will remember the time when You received a Magic Box that I had PAINSTAKINGLY created and how it finally made You laugh and smile again and finally understand that I do treasured this friendship.

Wishlist

Can’t sleep well tonight
Too full with thoughts of you
Wish I never had to reason why
Wish I never had to justify
Some things are better left unsaid
But if you look into my eyes
You will find I have no place to run or hide

There’s restlessness in me
Begging to be let free
Wish I could find the words
Wish I could erase this hurt
Some things are better left untold
As I lay here all alone
A single flame across the sky, across the night

I wish I could steal the stars for you
Keep you safe, keep you warm
Wish I could hold you
I watch you smile in your sleep
Wish you could see me in your dreams
Tonight I’ll be your guiding light
Wish I could tell you how much you mean to me

Can’t believe it could hurt so bad
But I keep it all inside
Wish I could shout it out
Wish I could tell the world
But I couldn’t find the strength
Couldn’t find a way to make you understand
As I lay here all alone wish you could hear me now

Wish I could conquer my fears
Wish I could dispel my insecurities

The Girl and The Runaway Cat

Cats are very interesting creatures. Beg them for affection and they will ignore you. Be uninterested with their presence and suddenly they would be all over your face, licking you as if there is no tomorrow. Sometimes I think cats do not know what they want. They are just fickle minded creatures that want attention when there is none, despise affection when there is plenty.

So much like men.

This is a story of a girl and her cats and a man.

Once there was a girl who could not stand cats. She has no idea where this aversion towards cats came from; she just knew she is not that crazy about cats. It’s not the she despises the furry little creatures. She just has no fond feelings towards them. If a cat comes and nuzzles its pretty little head on her lap, she’ll just push it away disinterestedly. She will feed them, bathe them, clean their kitty box, but you won’t see her playing with cats. The best she had ever done was just danced with one, and even then it was because the song that was playing on the radio was so infectious, she had to grab something and twirl.

Some people would view this as a serious affection deficit syndrome. She doesn’t see it that way. To her, cats are just another aspect of life; you can either live with or without it. It doesn’t pose any serious logistics or emotional problems.

You should get a cat, a friend commented one day, after seeing her failed attempt at gardening. You will love the company, the friend added.

There is a lesson to be learnt somewhere in her friend’s heavily inundated voice, but the girl decided she was going to leave it at that.

One day the friend came by and dropped off three little kittens at her apartment. Just like that. The girl came home one day and saw the cats, shrugged her shoulders indifferently and checked her larder for something to feed the cats. She found a can of tuna and some powdered milk, which was barely enough to feed three hungry feline stomachs. The girl looked at the watch and saw it was barely 9pm, and the grocery store at the ground floor of her apartment would still be open.

So she took the 7 flights of stairs down to the grocery store, bought a big bag of cat food, kitty litter, kitty shampoo and three small towels for the kittens and headed back to her apartment. Here’s the deal, she didn’t even feel obligated to do these things. She didn’t feel like she HAD to do it. To her it was just logical. Here are 3 cats with no food. The logical step was to get them some food. SO what if she had to walk 7 storeys down? So what if she had to spend a small fortune on the cat food, cat litter, cat shampoo and towels. It didn’t matter that she was inconvenienced by the cats’ presence; she was not affected at all. To her it was just another aspect of life; you can either live with or without it.

First she checked the cats for fleas, and found that they were flea-ridden with ticks and other imaginable bugs. So she had to give them a hot bath, lathered them with the anti-tick cat shampoo that smelled a lot like gasoline, and then towelled them dry. Then she prepared the cat basket, lining it with shredded old newspapers and pieces of rags. Next she poured what she thought was a suitable amount of cat food into a container and shooed the cats to their dinner. The girl then went to the kitchen, rummaged her kitchen cabinet for a bowl, found one and poured some boiled water into it. No sense in giving the cats tap water, she rationalized, they might get stomachache.

All these took 2 hours of her time, time that she could have spent taking her own shower, preparing her own bed, cooking her own dinner and making a hot mug of earl grey and tangerine tea that she likes so much.

When the cats finally settled down, the girl watched them intently for bodily clues that they wanted to poop. Each time one of the cats look like he or she wanted to do his business, she’d ferried them to the bathroom, locked the door and waited like an anxious mother. It took her all night to toilet-train the cats, but she did.

The girl never figured out which cat is female and which is female. She called a veterinarian friend of hers, who dropped by at her apartment and gave the cats a clean bill of health and helped determined the sex of the cats. The girl found out that she was the proud owner of 2 tomcats, and one female feline, which bothered her slightly because she would have to neuter the cats to prevent them from breeding uncontrollably. But the cats were still in their infancy, so the girl decided she could put off the decision a bit longer.

The girl never plays with her cats. She’d let them out of their cage and let them romped around in the living room, tearing it apart like tornadoes, but she was not interested in putting them in her lap and caressed them to sleep. The girl was not a cat person anyway. To her it was just another aspect of life; you can either live with or without it.

With the addition of the cats to her life, some of new routines had to be incorporated. She had to feed the cats twice daily, give them a batch every 2-3 days, let them out every morning to poop, then every night put up with three very frisky cats who seemed to have unlimited energy running around her apartment like a loose cannons.

Now this girl had many friends, many of whom likes her company and prefers to spend their time at her apartment than anywhere else. Never mind that her apartment was barely furnished except for some carpets and an old beat up tv. The living room was a comfortable place to be in, sort of a downtown bar where everybody knows your name, a place where you can say or do anything you want without people questioning your motives and thoughts.

They found the cats amusing, partly because the cats seemed to posses so much verve and partly because the girl was able to take care of 3 living creatures without bungling the job out of it. Everyone knows of her famous attempts at gardening. It was a standing joke among her friends, that most of her plants committed suicide rather than continue living in a sorry existence that she put them in. The girl always found this funny, she always knew she doesn’t have a green thumb, so whenever a plant dies she’d just shrug it off and plant a new one.

So it was left to her friends to stroke the cats, to lavish them with affection, to play with them and to cuddle the furballs.

Sometimes she attempted to cuddle the kittens. But they scratched and bit and always struggled to be free. Sometimes she’d just ignored the cats’ existence. But they would nudge her, slid beside her and nuzzled for warmth in her lap. Either way the girl was not overly concerned. To her it was just another aspect of life; you can either live with or without it.

Amongst her many friends, there was a man. He spent a lot of time playing with the cats, kissing them, making cooing sounds, cuddling them and generally providing them with the tender loving care you would expect from a cat owner. He did not own a cat of his own, but he enjoyed taking care of the girl’s cats, which suited the girl just fine because she was just basically someone who takes care of the physical well-being of the felines.

Now this man was a sensitive guy. He watched the girl a lot, observing her, trying to learn how to be around her. But it seemed to him that she did not notice him at all. Oh she’d be nice, sits with him and ask him about his day, laughs at his silly jokes, talks about the things that bothers him at night, worries about his health, fusses about his lack of a companion people termed as girlfriend, messes with his hair and takes the trouble to make him a hot mug of cocoa. She’d listen to his woes, straightens up his financial records, gets his life in some kind of order, answers his cell-phone, interferes with what he perceived as his personal decisions yet he could not shake the feeling that the girl was somewhat emotionally detached from it all.

The man could not understand it at all. In one minute the girl would seem to be so kind and thoughtful, in the next instant she would be so indifferent about everything that the man does. The girl seemed to be bothered by the man’s continuous relationship with what they termed as the ex-girlfriend, yet shied away his every attempt to explain or rationalize the situation, citing that it was his personal decision. The girl would grumble and mumble under her breath yet when the man asked her what he should do now, she’d shake her head and offered no solace.

It confused him greatly. Sometimes the girl seemed so caring; sometimes the girl seemed so indifferent. The man knew he could not ask for more than what the girl was willing to give because their relationship was one based on trust and faith, not one of romance and physical intimacy. But the bizarre nature of their relationship sometimes made the man wished he could read her mind, because he could never seem to be able to guess what she was thinking or what she would do next.

The girl on the other hand had different ideas. She liked the man’s companionship, his physical presence in her apartment and his conversations; although sometimes she wished that he could be less sensitive and more relaxed in his approach towards life. Sometimes the girl felt like the man was wasting his life away, too concentrated on making other people’s life comfortable and happy when what he had wanted was to roll on the hills and lie on the beach watching the crescent moon rise on a bright starry night.

Sometimes the girl felt she was too pushy, cramming down her ideas and love for life down the man’s throat. These were the times she would back off and shrug her shoulders unconcernedly when he asked her what she thought he should do next. Sometimes the girl felt she was too complacent, simply watching the man wasted his life away helplessly. These were the times she would hold his hand and stay by his side until all his fears and insecurities subside.

To the girl, the relationship that they had was straightforward. You be careful with my heart, and I be careful with yours. You appreciate the time and effort that I put in to make this work, and I appreciate the time and effort you put in to make this work. You disregard me, and I disregard you.

But her insensitivity sometimes can be so hurtful. The girl knew this but she didn’t know how much.

One day one of the cats ran away. The girl had opened up her door and while she was busy carrying the groceries one of the cats seized the opportunity to take a hike. The girl quickly put her groceries in the kitchen sink and ran after the cat, but by the time she got to the corridors the cat was nowhere to be seen. She made some feeble attempts to search for the runaway cat but after a while she decided if the cat wanted to run away, then let it run away.

One night as her friends congregated in yet another noisy weekend at her apartment and the girl was telling the story of the runaway cat, the man suddenly stood up and left. At first no one found this particularly annoying, the man was known to have made spur of the moment decisions without any reasonable explanation. But the girl knew right away something was wrong. You don’t spend so much time with someone without acquiring some sixth sense, like an invisible string that gets tugged at your heart when you know something had gone wrong.

Another day passed and then the other. The girl’s wariness turned to anger. When she finally got hold of the man and asked what went wrong, he just shrugged his shoulders indifferently. Nothing has gone wrong, he said. The girl felt sick, she had seen this many times before. She only didn’t think the man would not pull the line on her. Fine, she said. If silence is what you ask for, then silence I shall give.

The cats he said. What’s wrong with the cats? the girl asked? I am just one of the cats, the man said. The girl looked at him blankly. Cats? You are one of the cats? the girl asked.

Yes, he replied. I am just one of the cats. The runaway cat. Something that you took pity on, that you took care of, but never be emotionally attached to. You are being nice to me, just as you are being nice to the cats. I could run away and you won’t even come after me.

The girl looked at the cats sleeping contentedly in their basket. They were huge now, no longer could be called kittens, but not yet full-grown. Their fur was soft and fluffy with a healthy glow, their stomachs always full with vitamin-enriched cat food, their bodies warm and sweet-smelling.

Then she looked at the man.

I don’t belong, he said. I am here but I don’t belong.

And then he left.

The girl then sat cross-legged and watched her cats sleeping. She knew there was a lesson to be learnt somewhere.

So she called up the friend who gave her the cats.

What am I supposed to learn? the girl asked. I’ve cared and I’ve been good. What else do I need to do?

The friend laughed a little.

You need to learn to be loved, the friend answered. You need to learn to recognize love and embrace it. You need to learn when to care and when to let go. When to be affectionate and when to be unconcerned.

The girl put down the phone. The friend didn’t tell her anything she didn’t know. The girl opened up her window and watched the street lights twinkling one by one. The sky was heavy with the threat of rain. She sighed. She looked at the cats again.

Slowly she smiled. Slowly she picked up the phone and dialed the man’s cell-phone number.

You’re not my cat, she said to the phone. Now I am chasing after you.

Her doorbell rang. The man was standing there, still holding his cellphone to his ears, and a cat in his arms.

My runaway cat, the girl exclaimed.

Yes your runaway cat, the man said and smiled.

P.S: This is not done by me but by a friend of mine. Am not as artistic as he is :)

Something interesting

I cant really remember how I came to this article. But it is really nice to read and somehow ..... :)

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep?
When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful
thing in the world is unseen.
We are all a little weird and
life's a little weird and
when we find someone whose
weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go
isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry,
those who hurt, those who have searched
and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of
the people who have touched their lives.
A great love?
It's when you shed tears and
still you care for him,
it's when he ignores you and
still you long for him.
It's when he begins to love another
and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.
If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it,
but when love dies, you never
have to die with it.
The strongest people are not
those who always win but
those who stand back up when they fall.
Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize there
should never be regrets, only a lifelong
appreciation of the choices you've made.
A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly
rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away
while secret tears scar forever.
In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true,
even if you lose, you still win
just for having the tingle of loving
someone more than you love yourself.
There comes a time when we have to
stop loving someone not because
that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out that
they'd be happier if we let go.
It's best to wait for the one you want
than settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love
than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one because
life is too short to waste on just someone.
Sometimes the one you love turns out
to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you
into his arms and cries when you cry
turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.
If you really love someone never let go,
don't believe that letting go means
that you love best, instead fight for your love,
that's what true love is
Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go
through life without it.

Do You Remember ...

We never talked about it, but I hear the blame was mine
I'd have called you up to say I'm sorry, but I wouldn't wanna waste your time

Cause I love you, but I can't take anymore
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
We could try like we've tried before, but you keep on telling me those lies

Do you remember (do you remember), tell me do you remember (do you remember)

There seemed no way to make up, because it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked, it told me, that's a look I know I'll never forget
You could've come over to my side, you could've let me know
You could've tried to see that distance between us
But it seemed too far for you to go

Tell me do you remember (do you remember)
Tell me do you remember (do you remember)

Through all of my life, inspite of all the pain
You know people are funny sometimes, cause we just can't wait to get hurt again

Tell me do you remember, oh (do you remember)

The things we won't recall, the feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see, because we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do, more important to say
And "I love you" wasn't one of those things, but now it's too late

Tell me do you remember
Tell me do you remember

Just tell me now, tell me now, just tell me now, tell me now
Tell me do you remember
Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you remember
Do you remember
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over
Do you remember?

You Made Me Cry

I found this on the net ... somehow ....

Why do you make me cry??
I gave you my heart and all I had,
but it seems to me like you don't even care.
So I ask myself, Why do you come back
to me and make me cry??
Don't you understand that I Love you,
much more than you can ever realize.
I thought you would be the one,
the one to take me out of my misery.
Instead you brought me pain and made me cry.
Every night I stay up and think of
Why you make me cry??
I never come to an answer to that
simple question I always ask at night,
but I guess I never will 'till I ask the only one,
that truely knows why??, which is you,
So I guess I need to get the courage
and just ask "Why you make me cry??"
'till that day I get that courage to ask you "Why??"
All I can say is that I LOVE YOU much more
than you can ever UNDERSTAND??